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Thursday, December 13, 2012

SO I'm a bad parent now??

Someone I know had this as her FB status today:

"The elf on the shelf is really sending our kids the wrong message. Who comes up with this shit man?"

MY family has an "Elf on the Shelf" named Ginger.

I really don't understand this person's logic. Maybe she doesn't understand the whole premise of the "Elf on The Shelf".

She goes on further to say:

"Basically is used as a spy for your kids. With good parenting none of this is needed."

What does she think we do with this elf? I am confused by her logic.

For our family, this elf is so much fun. My children LOVE waking 

up and looking to see where Ginger is today and my husband and I look 

forward to finding new hiding spots and new silly things for Ginger to do.

For us, Ginger has brought extra Christmas cheer, she has not put fear in their

 hearts but rather joy! She adds some magic and excitement to the month leading up to Christmas.

I think people need not be so judgemental. If you don't get why people would 

want to have 

an elf, maybe ask them "hey, so this elf stuff? What's that all about?" and I will 

gladly explain what it means to me and my family.

BAH Humbug to you Elf haters.

I can and WILL do this!

I am proud to say, I have been getting up most mornings at 5am and walking 5km with a friend and her dog. I am busting ass and taking names!! I have started to notice my body is becoming more toned and I like what I see. I feel so good about myself right now and it keeps getting better and better. I'm tired by about 2:30 every day but it is so worth it.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Weight Watchers fiasco

I have been doing weight Watchers for the last little while and have been making progress. I was down 5 lbs, every thing was going well.

That is until 2 things happened:

1) As you know, one of my best friends (Melissa) died in August of 2006. I was just starting to feel okay about it, like I could handle it much better, when I found out that her parents have decided to move her resting place. I was shaken and unnerved at the thought of this. I don't know what is the truth of why she is being moved either. Either her stone was damaged continuously or her Mother is moving her to prevent certain people from visiting her grave. Whatever the reason, it knocked me off my Weight Watchers wagon.

2) Right on the coat tails of this disaster I got a...lady...visitor. I'm bad enough at that time of the month, add on extreme emotional stress and you have me binge eating. Okay, maybe not BINGE eating but not following what I should be doing to lose weight.

SO, I gained back the 5lbs plus an additional two.

Ay, yi, yi.

Today I am back on track and being super diligent about it. I'm allowed 29 points per day and so far, even though I have eaten quite a bit, I still have 25 points left because I have been snacking on celery and apples instead of Hallowe'en candy.

I am going to play everybody dance while the kids nap, for the cardio work out. As soon as I get a chance, I am going to hook my Wii up to the TV again to do my EA Active 30 day challenge.

I will report back next week, on Wednesday, which is my weigh in day. Hopefully I have good news to report.

If I have time, I may report my daily cardio activity, if anything, to keep me honest and on track.


Friday, August 10, 2012

Long Time Coming

Some of you may know, I recently left my job of 8 years and have started a home daycare but not all of you may know why. I LOVED my job. I worked for one of the biggest banks in Canada. They hired me when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first daughter, which is almost unheard of in the corporate world. I Thought I was going to be a lifer.

A year ago I started at a new branch. I chose to apply for a promotion, and to specifically join the team at that branch because the dynamic was out of this world. The branch manager, at the time, was amazing. He had a way of hyping everyone up, and uniting everyone in a way I have never seen before. He made everyone feel special and like they were an integral part of the team. I woke up every day in a good mood, I was looking forward to going to work, I had a drive to perform like never before and I genuinely felt a connection to every single person at the branch. Life was great!!

This past March, our branch manager notified us that he had been selected for the promotion of a lifetime. He was chosen to help start up an amazing partnership the bank had just forged with a leading retailer. While I was sad for us, I was so super happy for him. I knew he would be amazing in his new position and I felt confident that his predecessor at our branch would be inspired by the dynamic of our branch and his legacy of positivity in the workplace would shine on. I was dead wrong.

Our new manager was brought in from a competitor of our brand/bank. Our leaving manager was training her on the ins and out of our bank and branch. At first, everything seemed like it would be a seamless transition but it wasn't long after he left that things started to decay. It became evident pretty quickly that our new manager was a micro-manager. Where we used to all have open channels of communication with each other, she now told us she preferred us to bring any grievances with co-workers to her so she could handle them rather than us handling them head on as in the past. Before she came, if I was upset by something that a co-workers had done I would bring it up to them face-to-face in an adult manner. We could easily say "You are being a bitch", "No YOU are being a bitch". Tell each other to fuck off, hug it out and move on with our day. Now she had us tattling to her behind each other's backs instead of handling it head on like adults as we had in the past. Within a matter of mere weeks, we went from feeling like a family to feeling like high school rivals.

We all know I tend to complain in my blogs, but that is what my blog is for in my mind. It's like a diary to me where I get my frustration out. I am, however, one of the most positive people you will ever meet. I love people. I love to laugh and joke and I love to make people smile.

Things got so bad, so negative, in our branch because of this new manager that I got physically ill. I got migraines so bad from the stress of that place, because it got to the point that I was so stressed I couldn't sleep. I ended up taking a lot of sick days and eventually went on a 2 month sick leave because the headaches got so bad. Just before I went on my sick leave, it was brought to my attention that a co-worker of mine had a conversation with a corporate client of mine in which the two discussed the fact that I "did not deserve any vacation time" because of the sick days I had to take because of my migraines. It was unprofessional on both their parts. I was SO livid I'm sure my blood was literally boiling!!! Apparently this wasn't the only conversation had behind my back by this co-worker about my unfortunate illness and subsequent sick days. I decided to talk to my manager about it and we agreed it would be best to confront this co-worker in my manager's office so I would have a witness as to how it REALLY went down. During this confrontation, the co-worker suggested I "find a cure for migraines" and that I should "step down from my position because of the illness". I pointed out that her comments were uncalled for, discriminatory and shameful. I handed her an article on migraines hoping it would educate her on the disease and maybe bring some empathy into an otherwise deplorable situation. It did neither. In fact, as time went on, she got nastier and more ignorant.

The day that prompted my doctor to suggest a  leave was the day I called in sick and explained to my manager that I had a migraine and yet her response was "Well...can you come in anyway?". I had asked my manager, prior to this, if I could give her an article on migraines to read that would help to give her and the staff a better understanding of the disease. She "enthusiastically" agreed. Her behaviour on this particular day, however, lead me to believe that A) she didn't bother to read the article or B) she simply didn't care/didn't absorb a thing from it. SO I went on sick leave.

At the almost 2 month mark of my leave, my case worker -who was amazing and supportive which was nice for a change- from the company's insurance provider (who deals with our sick leaves), informed me that I would not qualify for long term disability. This was a turning point for me. It made me realize that not only did I not want to go back to the branch, but I also did not want to be on long term disability anyway. You all know from reading my blog that I felt like I was in jail while on leave. So I decided to submit my 2 weeks notice and leave the bank.

This decision gave me great relief, but also a bit of sadness. I was happy to be getting out of such a toxic environment, but I was sad to be leaving the company itself, after all I had given them 8 years of my life and I truly felt the company itself "had my back" the whole way through. Unfortunately I felt like in staying meant I was going to lose myself. It meant I was to become a negative, vindictive bitch like most of the people working with me.

It wasn't long after I gave my notice that it became clear I had made the right decision. Slowly but surely my migraines dissipated, I was sleeping again and most importantly, I was smiling again.

A friend of mine asked if I could watch her 8 and 10 year old for the summer and it sparked an idea in my head! Yes, this is it! I am going to start a home daycare!! SO that is what I've done and I am so glad I did. Now, I am my own boss and I got to spend the summer with my children and some other really awesome kids!! My weekends are my own, I get to choose when I take vacation and I get to spend my days doing crafts, playing outside, going for walks and playing games!!!

I am SO happy with life right now! Even though running a daycare is far from easy work, it's fulfilling work. I can have the most difficult work day and still come out of it smiling and feeling light hearted.

Another thing that has solidified to me that my decision was the right one, was that after 8 years with the company no one acknowledged that I had left. No card, no going away party (as was usual protocol), no email cascaded to the area stating my decision to leave and wishing me the best...NOTHING!

SO although part of me is sad, that I gave so much of my time and determination to the company and no one batted an eyelash after I left, there is a BIG smile happening inside and outside of me right now. I made the right choice. The world is my Oyster and I'm looking only forward from here!!!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Feeling so tired of this.

I am still on sick leave. I am STILL getting migraines almost daily. Last night I had one and I felt as if my teeth were going to pop right out of my jaw. I am on a new abortive medication (new to me) called Maxalt, it seemed to do the job last night. Today though I do still have pain in my teeth, but not like last night. T2s will be my best friend today. I really hope that there is light at the end of this very long dark tunnel. I'm feeling pretty defeated right now.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

On lockdown

I am currently on sick leave due to almost daily migraine attacks. I'm having a really hard time dealing with being off. While I know it's the right thing for me in the end, I can't help but feel like a prisoner in my own home. You would think that I would want to celebrate my good days, but being on sick leave there is a certain stigma attached to me now. If people see me out and about, I feel like they will think I am no longer sick. Even though this is the opposite of truth, perception means a lot in the world of business. I am just struggling because I am starting to become depressed, feeling like I am locked in a cage. It feels like I am being punished for being Ill. Should I really feel bad for celebrating the healthy days? Is it a crime for me to get out there and revel in the moment being that they are few and far between? Should I be constantly looking over my shoulder, worried someone is going to see me and judge me, or worse report me assuming that I am fraudulently on leave? I don't know what to do, I feel really isolated.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What's up Honey bee?

Was talking to a friend today who recently lost one of her best friends. I think I'm going to be able to help her through it because of what I went through with losing you. I can't believe it will be six years this summer. Even though I still have my breakdown moments (oh yes I sure do), I want you to know that whenever I see a honey bee I smile and say "Hey Melissa, where you been?". Makes me happy to think you are happy. I hope you're keeping paradise warm for me. You have 50 years to scope out a good beach spot for us to hang out ok? Make it awesome. <3

Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 12 of Migraine

On day 12 of a migraine. Hurt so bad last night I was afraid I might die in my sleep. I see my neurologist on May 14th next. So many questions. So much pain. So much guilt because I feel like a useless lump. Crying all the time. I try to put on a smile for my kids but they aren't dumb. Been praying an awful lot.

Friday, April 20, 2012

9 days of migraine

Today marks day 9 of my migraine. Yesterday I was officially taken off work by my Doctor until at least May14th when I will see my neurologist again. We changed my abortive medication (too late for this migraine unfortch) and also put me on something else to help with my nausea. This has been the worst 6 months of my life with regards to my migraines. Currently there is no cure for Migraine Disease but I'm hoping that my Doctor can find a plan that will work to get me back on track and get the attacks less frequent and more under control. Right now I feel very defeated, battered and bruised. I'm not looking for pity though so please don't think that. I just needed to get it out there because it is weighing pretty heavily on me right now. Lucky for me I have an awesome Husband, family and friends who love and support me everyday.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Been a while

I know I haven't posted in a while. Just thought I would touch base. I have been dealing with some (internal) heavy stuff. Right now is not the right time to blog. If you "tweet it you eat it" so for now I am not posting because I'm avoiding a bad taste in my mouth. Be back but just not for a bit. Thanks for your support as always.

Monday, January 2, 2012


Just when I think I've seen the peak of tackyness...I stand corrected.That's all I am at liberty to say right now, but OH how I wish I could dish. I am telling you, you'd all be blown away.

No my name ain't baby

No my name ain't baby