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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

On lockdown

I am currently on sick leave due to almost daily migraine attacks. I'm having a really hard time dealing with being off. While I know it's the right thing for me in the end, I can't help but feel like a prisoner in my own home. You would think that I would want to celebrate my good days, but being on sick leave there is a certain stigma attached to me now. If people see me out and about, I feel like they will think I am no longer sick. Even though this is the opposite of truth, perception means a lot in the world of business. I am just struggling because I am starting to become depressed, feeling like I am locked in a cage. It feels like I am being punished for being Ill. Should I really feel bad for celebrating the healthy days? Is it a crime for me to get out there and revel in the moment being that they are few and far between? Should I be constantly looking over my shoulder, worried someone is going to see me and judge me, or worse report me assuming that I am fraudulently on leave? I don't know what to do, I feel really isolated.

5 comments:

  1. People who would judge you, for celebrating your healthy days, are not worth your time or energy! Just because you are sick doesn't mean you don't deserve to live your life! In fact it means that you should live your life even more when you can! If the good days are rare then CARPE DIEM! Anyone who would judge you or report you is a petty, little person with such low self esteem that they feel the need to pick on someone such as yourself. Enjoy your good days! People are going to be idiots no matter what you do so why worry about their worthless opinions? Why define your life by their standards? Then you will have a life full of regret. Para Oy!

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  2. As someone who is also on leave just put your feet up. We all pay into these programs that will allow us to be able to heal away from work. If you feel great you should be out celebrating and hoping that it is the first day of every day feeling better forever. If someone is lame enough to report you karma will be coming back to bite them in the ass anyway. Enjoy this time and hopefully your body will respond better to the lack of work stress. Vitamin D helps everything in my books. xo Em

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  3. Wow Nikki, I had no idea you were going through that right now! Thank you for sharing what you're going though. I also agree with the previous poster that don't worry about what anyone else thinks and that you know why you're off and you don't have to feel guilty because of your health right now.

    I agree, when you do feel well, go out and do something that makes you feel great and not feel bad about it because those days don't happen every day so we've got to make the best of them when they come around.

    Thank you for writing about that "in that cage" feeling at home...there are more people that feel that way than we think apparently because I've felt that way, you've felt that way and I'm sure there are sooooo many more that feel that way too so thank you for bringing that feeling to light so that we can help each other break free from behind those prison doors towards happiness from deep within that shines out.

    Thanks again for writing!

    *Hugs*

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  4. Thank you guys for your support! It makes me feel so much better to have that validation. There are some events I have been looking forward too and would like to go to if I'm feeling well enough. I've just been paranoid about going because I thought if someone saw me there they might get the wrong idea. You're all right though, I should rest when I need it and revel in the moment when I can. Hugs all around. I feel the love. xoxo

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  5. Russell Simmons ‏@UncleRUSH
    Be connected, isolation is sickness

    Just saw this in my Twitter feed.... couldn't have come at a better time.

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No my name ain't baby

No my name ain't baby